We often walk around with stories about ourselves that govern our behavior and relationships more than we realize. This article helps you to recognize how your own stories shape your reality and gives you tools to challenge and nuance them, allowing you to create a more flexible and realistic narrative.

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Can you recognize your own stories?

Can you hear yourself say something like:

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• “I can only work with structured people”

• “I’m an imposter!”

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Sometimes we can have a narrative that is a bit too black/white compared to reality. The point is that we cannot immediately see it ourselves, as the story is precisely our reality.

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Why are narratives so powerful?

Your narrative influences how you act, think, and feel. Perhaps it makes you more reserved, cautious, or fearful – without you really wanting it to.

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By questioning the narrative, we can gain distance from it and view it from afar, understand its origin and what lies beneath it that has value for us. We can become aware of the coping strategy we are currently using and whether it needs to be adjusted.

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At ABCC, we work on creating distance to your narrative so you can understand its origin and discover the values and coping strategies that lie behind it.

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Here’s how we work with the narrative: Place it on a timeline

First, try to describe your story. What would you call it if it had a name? At the same time, try to think about what you would call what you’re struggling with, which may be overcoming you?

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You might call it something like “The Struggle”, “The Obstacle” or something completely different.

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If you draw a timeline for your narrative, how long should it be? If it were a relationship, how long have you and, for example, ’The Struggle,’ known each other and when is its influence the greatest or least?

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What place has it taken?

The last question leads very well to the next perspective, which we will take on our story. Here we will look at the effect it has had so far. It can also help us understand how we have managed situations where it has been at play.

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• Describe what effects your named story has had

• Try to look around at your relationships, your work, your motivation, etc., what influence has it had on you?

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You can also map it on your timeline by marking it with different colors, thicker lines, or similar.

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Does it also make you believe something about others or think that they think something about you? Does it make you do more or less of something? With that in mind, what do you think about the further timeline of it, your narrative?

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Advantages and disadvantages of your narrative

When you look at your timeline and hear your answers, what do you think about the effects it has?

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• Are you satisfied with it or not satisfied?

• Can it have both good and bad sides?

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In short, how do you relate to it now?

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If you had to draw the new situation, would the timeline freeze, split into two, twist, or what happens on your drawing?

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What is most important to you

Regardless of what you did with your timeline, or what you thought about your narrative, it is rooted in something that is important to you. We will try to get closer to that by looking at what it is about, since you feel that way? Since you drew as you did on the paper.

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Try to put into words what is important to you, since you think so. Why do you believe what you do?

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When you know what influence it has had, you can then see what it has stood in the way of, which is important to you? It could be related to your relationships, your self-image, your goals in life, your work, and much more.

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What story do you take away from here that is important to you? What does it allow you to do?

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From clarification to status

This exercise can provide clarification on, for example, the stories we repeat to ourselves. It results in a new status, a new standpoint with hopefully new, good opportunities. It can also invite a new clarification at a later time. The fundamental thing is to understand oneself in this case, before fixing and acting with “I should also be able to…”. Understanding allows for choosing an effort that leads to a new status.

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From self-reflection to action

This exercise helps you understand the stories you repeat to yourself and what they mean for your well-being. It gives you a new standpoint with possibilities for change. At ABCC, we work on creating understanding before we fix – so you can choose the effort that suits you best.

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You are welcome to get in contact and get half an hour of free online coaching on your topic.

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If you feel like diving deeper into this subject, you might benefit from reading this article about our approach towards conflicts.